I always have thousands of thoughts in mind, some of which are concerns towards life, things that people may not want to hear, but I want to spit them out. And strangely, recently, if I can imagine talking this kind of stuff with someone, I expect it could be my kids.

First of all, sorry for not meeting you much earlier, as I’m not done yet with my life. If you’re really my kids, I believe you’ll understand. Everything happens at the right time, so don’t worry about the timeline.

Now, there are three things that I want to talk with you:

1. There’s no fixed formula in life. People can say anything, but the truth is: nothing is absolutely right, even for the most common things. And that is what makes life interesting. Example:

• So many people say: have kids as early as possible, so the age gap is not big, you can play with the kids like siblings, or whatever. As I grow older, I believe that there’s no better or worse of having kids early. My mother married when she was 17 and had kids right away. The financial condition was never been good, and her kids, including me, lived with many limitations. As I hit a productive age, my parents are still alive, which is a good thing, but on the other side, it made me a sandwich generation. I had to help my family, even pay for my sibling’s tuition, while keep struggling to fulfil my needs. I was busy, very busy just thinking about money. I don’t want it to happen to you. I’m building my passive income, so you don’t have to think about my daily needs as you grow up. But it takes time. So, there’s no right or wrong in terms of timeline. Let’s just live our lives as we can, ok?
• I remember someone telling me to keep my dreams in silence, no need to tell anybody, because as you tell people, it can lower your persistence, as if you’ve achieved them. I used to believe it, until I discovered that telling people could increase our accountability, besides opening chances for people to help us. There’s no right or wrong in doing so, we just have to accept the consequences.
• Fun fact: Since I realised this point, that there’s no formula in life, I reduced reading “self-help” or “self-improvement” books, as they became less and less interesting. I believe even the authors of such books are still trying to figure out life. The only thing you have to read and follow is Quran and hadist, and that’s more than enough.

2. The key to success = eliminating distraction. It sounds like a life formula, which contradicts the point above, but here I just want to share my story. I was born and lived in an interesting period, before and after the internet existed. Before the internet even sound, people who excel were the ones with the most information, and it was hard to get them. You had to go to the library, read piles of books just to find specific knowledge, had hardship finding a tutor, etc. So people were imagining, that if only the access to information were so open and easy to find, human resources would be developed faster, then the quality of our society would be excellent. Then voila! Internet boomed! Year after year, internet penetration is dominating, you can learn about literally anything, even accessing materials from the world’s top universities. But can I say the quality of Indonesian people become high? The fact is, the data shows otherwise, due to what most of our people consume, and they allow too many distractions involved. The world has shifted. So, now, it’s no longer about who has the most information, but who can eliminate most of the distractions. Social media, online games, and unnecessary information are your real enemies to any dreams you want to achieve.

3. Don’t let satan shift your principles. Youth social life is getting more and more out of control. I know it’s hard to avoid, but I hope you have the strength to live your life as our God advises. I remember when I was a teenager, it was weird seeing a girl wearing a hijab sitting next to a boy in a public space. It made me so uncomfortable. But then, as time went by, it became less and less strange, like kissing scenes in Indonesian movies, etc (FYI, the kissing scene in our movies used to be taboo!). That’s how satans work, they shift our perspective of what is common and not. Several days ago, I watched a video on YouTube, starring an Indonesian actor on a talk show, named Jef** Ni****, where he openly shared that he has slept with more than 20 women in life so far (which is disgusting). But what surprised me more was the comments on that video, where people defended the actor by saying “It’s better to be open rather than be a hypocrite!”. So stupid. Sexually active outside marriage and being a hypocrite are both sinful, so there’s no need to compare them and consider which one is still better. What makes it even more concerning is, that I just realised that many youths think the same, that “it’s better to be openly sinful rather than be a hypocrite”, including in our family. One of my nieces who has a boyfriend, when she was told to keep their attitude in public said “I just want to show who I am, not like your other niece who looks good in front of our family but does the same thing behind”–> another stupid argument. At least my other niece has a pudency, not like you! In the coming years, I believe this thing will be even harder for you, as the Quran said, so I just hope you can be stronger, and beat satan around, with God’s permission.

That’s it for now. I’ll write more to you, and hopefully we can talk someday. Thanks for reading.

Your overthinking mom,

Hani